Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Whoops.
Me: I'm sorry to hear about the bill situation.
Mom: Yes. Nasty Africans.
Me: Mom! That's racist. And by the way, your tenants were Arabs, not Africans.
Mom: Arab is part of the African continent what.
Me: No, mom. It's in the Middle East.
Mom: Oh, ok then. Nasty Arab girls.
Mom has got to learn that the word 'nasty' has got a cruddy connotation in the 21st century, especially when paired with the term 'girls'.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Perfect
In what ways, can I tell you that you could be perfect for me?
That you have a wonderful laugh?
That you're amazingly committed?
That our paths could have crossed in so many ways?
That seeing you just makes me happy?
And that, if only you knew.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Hoot
Some people just cannot help informing others about the jealous-worthy events in their lives.
I don't care if you have an awesome social circle.I don't care if you have spectacular events that you go to.
I don't care if have 1,196 friends on Facebook.
I don't care if you have every guy in town at your beck and call.
I don't care if you turned George Clooney down on a date.
Frankly, I really don't give a hoot about what you do and who you do it with. So would you please kindly, shut up.
Seriously.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Some people just lack the sensitivity chip. Or, they are just socially inept.
A: You can't fit a size 8.
Me: I know. I'm a size 12.
A: I'm a size 0.
Me: I can see that.
A: I'm much, much thinner than you are.
Me: Gee, no kidding.
A: You know, you can, like, go on a diet. An intensive diet.
Me: Or, you know, you can, like, fuck off.
A: I'm born with good genes. I don't need to diet.
Me: ...
A: I'm a size 0.
