Thursday, March 29, 2007
Twilight Zones
Yea...so, it's now 5.14 in the morning and i just signed up for the "People who don't sleep enough because they stay up late for no reason" group on Facebook. Now, there's a group for people like us. Fantastic. Just lovely.
It reads:
"It's 5am, you're still up. You have no good reason to be up. You have to wake up at 8:30 in the morning. You know you're going to be tired as hell the next day but you just can't bring yourself to go to sleep like everyone else. You're not really an insomniac, you just have some mental block when it comes to going to bed.
Who needs 8 hours of sleep anyway? If you live to be 90, that's 30 years of your life spent unconscious, right? That's bullshit. You can spend the time better. Besides, you're too busy in the day, you can only relax at night. If you've ever rationalized your needless lack of sleep this way, you belong in this group."
Seriously, it's a disease. Nothing really explains our bizarre behavioral practices, nothing other than our persistent procrastination of going to bed. It's not that we're lazy (c'mon...); it's something deeper, more psychological. More sinister, really.
At 5am in the morning, your brain goes into autopilot mode. Nothing around you makes sense anymore. The barking of dogs, the metallic hum of our neighbour's air-conditioner, the glare of the computer screen: it all congeals into a blob of intangible plasm. Nothing registers. You're in a spaced-out zone of routine-clicking of the mouse and typing of insensible words on the keypad (which interestingly, are comprehensible by your fellow night-walkers on MSN). And the funny thing is, once the clock strikes 5am, you can forget about putting yourself to sleep anymore. No matter how hard you try, how physically exhausted you may be, you can toss and turn till the sun comes shining through your naked blinds and sleep just never comes.
...it's 5.30am now.
*Types asidjoaiwueowireowenmdkfwqoieuqowindoihci and deletes. Repeats twice.*
*Glances around the room while thinking of the POSSIBILITY of sleep*
OoOooohh wait....
Someone just signed-in on MSN.
Great.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Transient
I miss him, a lot, lately.
I know, i should be shooting myself in the head for posting this after all these years, but i shall indulge. Who knows, maybe when the time comes to really really forget or when the embarrassment of sounding like such a knucklehead becomes too overwhelming, i will eventually delete this post.
But at the meantime, just let me be.
Dreams are the culprit. I have no idea why, or how but my unconscious self kept on reenacting the times of when we were still a couple. It would mesh different scenes together and as a whole, weaved the illusion that we were back together again. And the dreams do get so realistic that when i eventually wake up, I'd get all nostalgic and fuzzy all over. Very sneaky, me!
And that surprise sms he sent me a month ago just got the ball rolling again. Suddenly, i was seeing him everywhere. On the bus, queuing for food, the guy at that corner in the lecture theatre. It was pure torture. Ok fine, not torture per se. But imagine having to see someone you're trying to forget popping up in all places and having to go through a mini seizure everytime that happens. That's pretty disturbing already.
*Epiphany*
Hey, but you know what..
Maybe i don't want to forget you after all.
Maybe the dreams meant something: I've been a fool for shutting out a friend.
Maybe we would do just fine, or even better as friends.
Maybe by pushing you away, i began to realize that having you around actually makes more sense.
Maybe you could give me a buzz when you're back
Maybe we could go grab a bite or two.
Maybe.
