Sunday, October 31, 2004
10.28pm
This stupid chemistry shit is never going into my head. It's not worth the squeeze for just 5 measly points.
My pigs are never going to fly...ever.
I suck.
10.01pm
I walked back to my room, sad and dissapointed over my recent performance for the band. I can never get things right, never do or say the right things. If i were to go on being who i am, i might bring the downfall of myself and eveything else around me. I've never fit in into anything and i dont think i ever will. I'm an outcast, yes, that's what i am. I have to accept this reality that i'm not gonna be part of everything. I'm not gonna stand out, i'm merely gonna stick out like a sore thumb.
9.56pm
Nothing seems to work out. I've spent my entire lifetime trying to figure out who the heck i am, what the heck i'm doing and why the heck am i here. Dont think i'll ever get the answer i want.
Sucky
If this day is going to lead to my breakdown, i'm gonna want to record every second of it
9.52pm
Feeling like the most worthless, useless human being in the world. She's right, i'm a Useless F***.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Whoa..
Was thinking...since i deleted the old blog and perpetually no one know about the annhilation, that leaves me with a heck lots of space to crap whatever i want, diss whoever i want without the danger of leaving some narrow-minded hermit insulted. The ingenuity of seemingly clumsy itchy fingers deleting over-exposed personal accounts.
But first, let me just clarify that i'm still sane. 1+1 is still 3, ok?
Eu Jinn, if you're reading this, (my blog is not entirely barren)chances are you'd have already got your PMR exams over and done with. wOoHoO...go paint the town red man!
My stupid film and history report is still blank but, who cares? The night still young and i'm not planning to sleep tonight anyway. I have lost control of myself, lately. I dont eat right. I dont sleep right. I dont think right and heck, i'm not even doing things right. The 7-11 behind the dorm is currently my shopping haven, and my usual supper hour is at 2am in the morning. My skin's breaking out like there's no tomorrow that i'm now like a walking human freakshow. Shit man. Oh yea, and i'm phlunking almost all my science subjects. Yes, phe-lunk-ing. Thats the word. And.. to top it all off, i FEEL chip and i are drifting apart. Sucky hey? I dunno what he feels about all this, but let me just proclaim that a lady's instinct is more-than-just-right. Yea, blame it on the distance, blame it on our workloads, that's the easiest way out. But, in the end, the fundamentals of a relationship is still Commitment and some more of it. When commitment is absent, everything crumbles along with it. Easier said than done. Of course, we still do talk almost everyday but, thing is, the 'it' is missing. Dont ask me what the heck 'it' is, i have no bloody idea. All i'm pretty sure about is that nothing is as before. Or...maybe....that's the problem. In the quest to retain the past, we lose touch of the present. Maybe that's it! "It" is the present! Everything that we're talking about no longer seem to revolve around the present anymore. It's been moving back and forth and back and forth, relinquishing on the past and presuming the future but never dwelling in the present moment. I keep mentioning about wanting to meet him and all when i get home in another few more months but never really basking in the present moment and that i'm already connecting with him. Ahh.......eureka moment! Sorry chip, now i get it. No wonder you sent me that book! Gosh...for a man, you do have an unsual amount of foresight. I'm proud.
Writing therapy.
Works all the time.
NOW i better get back to work.
